Amicable divorces don’t make the headlines and unless you are close to someone going through one, you are unlikely to hear about any of the details. However, most divorces are amicable and a very far cry from the rich celebs warring over their millions as they trade insults in the tabloids.
An amicable divorce is better than a drawn out court battle for a number of reasons:
- It is cheaper
- It is quicker
- You have more control
- It is less stressful
- It is easier for the children.
Divorce is an emotional and stressful process, so you need to make a conscientious choice to keep things amicable. If you don’t then it is easy to fall into the arguments and behaviour that will lead to a judge deciding the details for you. Here are some steps to take to help you keep things amicable as you end your marriage.
Decide on your priorities
Make a list of the things that you need and want from the divorce process. This could be things such as somewhere to live, how much money you need, how much you are willing to spend on the divorce, how and where the children will live and the timeline that you want to follow. This will help you to focus your mind when things get tough.
Use mediation
Enlist the help of a specialist family law mediator to discuss the divorce with your spouse. A mediator can help you to open up conversation and you can get a lot achieved and decided during a mediation session, when you are both there for discussion.
Having set appointments gives you time in between to test out ideas, think about previous suggestions and decide on what is right for you. The set time to discuss things also frees you up the rest of the time, so you don’t have to worry continually about the next decisions.
Appoint a family lawyer
A reputable family lawyer will work with you for an amicable divorce. Many couples who are aiming to keep their divorce out the courts shy away from lawyers, fearful that they will be pushed towards confrontation. However, this can create problems down the line, as finances and arrangements for the children are not legally finalised.
Divorce is a complex legal process and having a lawyer check your arrangements and give you legal backing will bring peace of mind to both of you for the future.
Accept the limits of your control
For an amicable divorce you are going to have to accept that you will still have some difficult times. Your spouse may well go through times when they are over emotional and make life difficult for you. During these times you need to know what you can and can’t control. The only thing you can control is how you react. You can’t control what your spouse is doing or how they are reacting. You will have times when you have to bite your tongue, but focus on your priorities and ride the waves as they come.