How to open up communications with your ex

Although there are a few miraculous couples who manage to go through the divorce process on completely friendly terms and quickly and efficiently finalise all the details, this is not true for the majority.

By the very nature of a divorce there will have been a big breakdown in trust and communication. All the emotions that led to a marriage will have been turned on their head and this will have led to the separation.

However, for both parties to come off financially unscathed and for the process to be as efficient as possible, communication needs to be open between parties. If there are children involved it is also vital that parents can remain civil in each others’ company to protect them from the emotional damage of the divorce.

Keeping lines of communication open with your ex is difficult but essential during a divorce. To do so can sometimes take super-human effort and control but when you look back in years to come you will be very grateful that you did so.

The first thing to do is to not set unrealistic expectations. If every time you see each other face to face you explode with rage, then avoid face-to-face contact and use letters or emails instead. This way you have some control over what you say and keep things practical, rather than emotional.

The next step is to set realistic expectations for your ex as well. You know them and know how they will react to certain things. Avoid taunting them or causing communication break-downs. If it becomes impossible, leave things a few days and send a letter or email, calmly stating your view and different options available.

If your ex refuses to communicate at all, then leave it to your divorce lawyer to communicate with their divorce lawyer. It can seem like a long-winded process, but you should be able to get answers to your questions and move the divorce forward in this way.

Try to push for a mediation session, rather than going through courts, so you can learn to communicate again with the help of a professional. Remember why you need to keep communications open and keep that goal in mind.

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