What happens when your ex finds someone new?

After your divorce there generally comes a time when your ex will find a new partner. Different people will have different emotions about this. Sometimes it is relief, other times it is painful. However, there are some practical things that also need to be considered.


When your ex starts a new relationship, generally the first concern is for the children. A new relationship means a new person in your children’s lives that you have no control over. Understandably, this is unsettling.

You should avoid unnecessary conflict over a new partner early on. The chances are that the new partner will also be feeling unnerved by the situation.

Try and discuss your concerns with your ex and set some ground rules that you can both follow about how your children should meet new partners and how early on. Even at a young age, children won’t fall for the “just a new friend” line and will pick up on any romantic intentions that you have with a new friend.

Although it is important that you try and avoid conflict, if you notice any behaviour in your children that demonstrates that they may be upset by a new situation then it is vital that you address this with your ex. Don’t be afraid to use mediation services if you need help communicating without conflict.

You may wish to readdress the arrangements that you previously had with your children to reflect the new situation.


A new serious partner, especially a live-in partner can change maintenance payments. At this time, you may wish to revisit your financial arrangements.

You can sort this out through mediation, or by going to court.

If you feel that you should now get paid more, or pay out less to your ex due to the new partner, then you are entitled to take this to court. However, in some circumstances judges have not only ruled against it, but even changed the arrangement in favour of the ex, whether they asked for it or not.

If you are considering doing this, ensure you consult and appointment an experienced family lawyer before doing so.

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