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For some, divorce doesn’t always feel great in the initial aftermath. This is often referred to as ‘divorce regret’.
Those experiencing divorce regret may feel emotions such as sadness, anxiety and confusion around whether ending their marriage was a mistake. Regret does not necessarily mean you made the wrong choice, it could just indicate that you are in need of some guidance to assist you in moving forward.
Get exactly that, as we cover the difficulties with divorce regret, here.
What is divorce regret?
Divorce regret is felt by many divorcees. Although the decisions and actions taken leading up to a divorce can make the end goal seem like the most desired outcome, once the divorce proceeds, you may be left wondering if things could be different or questioning if this is the right decision after all.
Divorce is an extremely taxing process. It can affect your mental health and well-being and cause you to question your own actions. This is perfectly normal, and you’re not alone: the term ‘divorce regret’ receives an average of 170 monthly searches on Google, indicating that it is not just an isolated problem.
When does divorce regret set in?
Everyone’s mindset is different – we process our thoughts, feelings, and emotions at different rates. As such, there is no expected timeline for when divorce regret sets in. It could happen the moment after you and your partner decide to divorce, or it could hit the moment that the final pieces of documentation are signed. Likewise, some may feel regretful many months down the line.
In short, there is no one single answer for when divorce regret sets in.
How to deal with divorce regret
If your divorce has you second-guessing yourself, here are a few tips to follow while going through the process:
Take time to grieve
Much like when you lose a loved one, divorce takes away a part of you – your routines, your comfort and your stability. Whilst it may have been the right decision to separate, allow yourself some time to grieve for what once was and what could have been. Healing is not a linear process; it takes time.
Take notes throughout
Keep a divorce journal, where you can document noteworthy developments throughout the whole process. To further augment this, you could add a breakdown of your mental state, highlighting stress, anxiety, sadness, or signs of depression. Reviewing this regularly can be a strong reminder of why you’re seeking a divorce in the first place.
Reflect on your ‘why’
The ‘what if’ aspect of divorce is a thought that never seems to fade. What if things were different? What if that one major argument never happened? Would things be better, or worse?
When you start to feel this way, try to remind yourself of the valid reason(s) which led you to getting a divorce. It’s natural for your mind to take you back to the happy times during your marriage, but reflecting on the negatives could help them outweigh the positives.
Focus on the future
Use what you learned from your previous relationship to fuel your personal growth and discover who you are outside of a relationship. As much as you may have lost routine and comfort, you can now start a fresh, create a new lifestyle, and discover what else brings you comfort and adds to your life as an individual.
Consider counselling
Divorce is challenging and takes a toll on your mental well–being, not only during the proceedings, but also after. Seek emotional support from family and friends to properly process your emotions, or push yourself to attend counselling, for a more professional outlook on matters. A professional counsellor can help you reconcile your feelings and potentially provide an explanation for the underlying regret.
I regret my divorce, what can I do?
If you truly feel that your divorce was a mistake, the proceedings can be cancelled before anything is finalised. You’ll need to fill out a D11 form to withdraw your divorce application, and the other party will need to provide their consent too.
Withdrawn divorces, however, will need to be initiated again if you change your mind a second time.
Experienced divorce lawyers in South Wales
Grant Stephens Family Law is a family law firm based in South Wales. We specialise in all family law disciplines, including divorce and mediation. If you’re considering divorce, be sure to contact us to arrange a consultation with our experts.
Lowri Walters
Associate Solicitor
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FAQs about Divorce:
What is No Fault Divorce?
No fault divorce was introduced in 2022 as a way to streamline the divorce process by removing the ability to determine and prove blame for the breakdown in marriage.
Do I have to get divorced or can I just separate from my partner?
There is no requirement to legally divorce your partner unless you wish to get married to someone else.
If you choose to just separate you will remain legally tied to your partner, which will include your finances.
There is a process called ‘judicial separation’, which means you remain married but you legally separate. This will allow you and your ex-spouse to deal with most (but not all) financial claims. It is rare for people to opt for this; however, it is a possibility to consider.
Do I need a solicitor to get a divorce?
No. You can apply for a divorce on your own, without a solicitor, but it is advised that you instruct a specialist family law solicitor, especially if you are also negotiating finances and child arrangements.
