There is no doubt that when parents divorce the children have a tough time dealing with the change and emotional turmoil. The vast majority of parents do their utmost to make the process as easy as possible for their children and the whole family comes through the other side in a positive place.
The one thing that everyone agrees on is that it is far better for children to have two happy parents that love them, than to have two unhappy parents that continually argue. If the love has gone for good from a marriage, then children receive no benefit from the parents staying together ‘for the sake of the children.’
If both parents make a real commitment to co-parenting and provide loving and supportive homes for their children, then most children thrive after the parents have split.
Children of divorced parents tend to be very independent. When the parents are going through the divorce, much of their emotional energy will be spent on that and during that time the children will learn to protect and motivate themselves.
Often children will also demonstrate a high level of emotional awareness, as they have been exposed to a wide array of human emotions during the divorce. They will be sensitive to changes in moods of others and be able to read people very well.
When parents divorce, no matter how amicably, the children are sent a clear message that not everything works out in life. This is a harsh difference to the traditional fairy tales about princes and princesses living happily ever after. However, it teaches them to work for things and to accept disappointment, two skills that will take them far in life.
Although it can be very hard to think about your ex-partner pairing with someone who will be a big influence in your children’s lives, many children greatly benefit from the support of step parents. Having an extra one or two parents and extended families provides a much larger safety net for children as they grow up and long into adulthood.
Divorce is hard for children, but fighting parents is harder. Even though you may feel a lot of guilt about the impact of your divorce on your children, if everyone involved is loving and supportive you will be amazed at how well they cope and thrive.