Avoiding The Divorce Circus

During a divorce there will be arguments, there will be bitterness, there will be regrets, but there is no need to turn the whole thing into a circus. You can avoid the screaming, public arguments and breakdowns, you can stay out the courts and you can keep your mutual friends.


Acceptance is the first step to a smooth divorce. If you are still in denial, still questioning, still regretting then feelings of anger will keep bubbling up and hindering you. Accepting that your marriage is over, that you will now have to go through a certain process and start the next stage of your life will really help you to be rational and calm.

You also need to accept your part in the divorce. It doesn’t matter if your spouse was entirely to blame and cheating at every opportunity, you need to accept that it takes two to tango and that you married in the first place. Strangely, taking some of the blame and accepting that will help you to move on and stop some of the resentment of your spouse.

Put the children first

Really and truly put your children first. They must never be used as leverage against your ex. Working out a routine with your children and your ex will add structure to your life and give you the confidence to know that you can move on.

It is not just your own children either, nieces and nephews can also be affected by the breakdown of a marriage, as the in laws can lose all touch and a once very familiar and caring family figure is removed suddenly from their lives.

Be realistic

Set yourself realistic goals. The divorce process is unpleasant, your life has been turned upside down and you may not be able to spend as much time with your children as you want. It’s fine to be upset and angry. Accept the bad days and remember that you also have good days. After time the good days will out number the bad and you will be well on the way to healing. If you accept the process for what it is your feelings won’t catch you off guard and you will feel calmer.

Push for mediation

For most law abiding citizens even mentioning going to court is a terrifying and unknown process. Courts, like hospitals are places that most people want to avoid. To keep control of your divorce process, learn how to communicate with your ex and reduce the financial burden, push hard to use mediation instead of the courts.

For advice on mediation in Cardiff please contact Grant Stephens Family Law team.

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