Avoid some of the pain of divorce

No matter how amicable your divorce process is, at some point there will be some lashing out, some anger, some hurt and some pain. A divorce process ends the marriage and with that, it ends hopes and dreams and forever separates you from someone who you hoped would be your partner for life.

In the mix there may also be children, who you will both be desperate to see and then the forever thorny issue of finances. The divorce process is enough to turn the greatest pacifists.

When the person that until very recently you loved and trusted more than anyone starts to become abusive and goes out of their way to cause you pain it is a very difficult and painful situation to be in. If your spouse is lashing out throughout the divorce process, the easy thing to do is to retaliate and stand your ground.

However, it is not the only option. A difficult but worthwhile thing to do is to remove yourself emotionally from the process. Understand that unpleasantness is an inevitability of the divorce and that you should not take it personally. The reactions of your ex are aimed at your situation, but the situation can’t be shouted at, so it is you that has to take the full hit of the anger and resentment.

Understanding that the anger is a normal human emotion in the situation will help you to not retaliate and make the situation worse. If you have to then cut all communication with your ex other than at times when you have to both be present for the divorce hearings. If you are sharing custody of children then arrange for pick-ups and drop-offs to be done by a friend or relative, or at school. Fighting back and arguing only gains a brief moment of satisfaction, whereas in the long run you will be happy that you kept your cool throughout the process.

Choosing a good divorce lawyer will help you to let go of the legal aspects so you can concentrate on your life. It is very hard to be at the end of someone’s anger, but not taking it personally and ignoring it will help you to remove some of the pain of your divorce.

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