At Grant Stephens Family Law in Cardiff, we see people in all stages of divorce, from the initial fact finding, before a divorce is even decided, to years down the line when they need advice about maintenance.
We are also familiar with the full spectrum of emotion that comes with a divorce. It is very important to work through emotions and not supress or ignore them, but we find that it is only when people feel acceptance that they are ready to move on.
Couples divorce for all sorts of reasons. Even when one person has really wanted the divorce it is still very difficult for them. If someone has been badly hurt and betrayed it is even worse.
Often people experiencing the emotional turmoil of a divorce think that they are aiming for understanding. They try to piece together everything that went wrong in a hope of understanding and think that this will lead to closure. Unfortunately, understanding why two people fall in and out of love is almost always impossible.
People who have accepted the situation have often done so without understanding it first. It is possible to accept without attributing blame or feeling guilt. It involves accepting a situation for what it is and deciding how to move forward.
We find that it is only when people have acceptance that they can clearly move forward. Whether moving forward means agreeing to the child arrangements, taking on responsibilities that the ex-spouse normally looked after, socialising again, or settling into a new home, it is the start of building a new life.
Acceptance also helps a person to look back at their marriage without all memories being tainted by the divorce. As a person accepts the situation, they can accept that much of their marriage was happy, as well as the sadness at the end.
You can not rush your emotions, but you can take actions to ensure you reach acceptance about your divorce. Start with looking after yourself financially and taking the necessary steps to avoid financial hardship. Then move on to small positive steps that will help you build a new life solo, such as socialising regularly or taking up new hobbies. By focussing on the future you may find that acceptance about your divorce comes without you even trying.