Going through a divorce is an emotional time and the recovery process can be slow. However, as important as it is to give yourself the space to grieve and adapt, it is vital that you do not wallow in a set of unhealthy emotions and let the divorce define who you are as a person.
Here are a set of emotions that everyone who goes through a divorce will feel at some point, but will not do you any favours in the long run.
Many newly divorced people can envy seemingly happy couples. Envy can strike at any moment, such as looking through social media or passing people in the street, or attending dinner parties with married friends.
It is perfectly natural to envy what others have, but as an outsider you have no way of knowing what is really going on. Your happily married friend may in fact suspect that their partner is cheating and envy your strength in ending your marriage. The photos on Facebook of a happy family holiday haven’t included arguments or problems with the children.
See the positives of your life and do not judge others at face value.
Even if you were not the one who ultimately caused your marriage to end, it is still easy to regret mistakes. You may be wondering what you could have done differently, what warning signs you should have noticed sooner and whether or not you should have put more effort into saving your marriage.
However, the past can not be changed and with time you will appreciate everything that you learned from your marriage and divorce. Rather than regretting what you have lost, focus on what you have gained by becoming an independent person.
Guilt can eat away at you and can change your character. Even if it was perceived as completely your fault that the marriage ended as you were unfaithful, often it turns out that your actions were the result of existing cracks in the partnership.
Try to learn from your feelings of guilt. If you were not anticipating the true extent of your actions or behaviour, use your guilt to act differently in the future.
Feeling bitter is not enjoyable for either you or anyone close to you. You may be angry and hurt and it is vital to give yourself time to work through these emotions, but long term bitterness will not do you any favours.
Remember that you are not alone in your experiences. Talk to friends, read blogs and realise that you can work through your emotions and come out as a stronger person.
During and after a divorce you will feel sorry for yourself. That is understandable and natural. However, hanging on to that self pity will not help you to move on.
In order to move on you must understand that after time your life will work out for the better and to focus on the positives. If you struggle in social situations to come across as anything other than self-pitying, join new groups or clubs and don’t mention your divorce to anyone to take your mind off it entirely and get used to being the normal, happy you.